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Helle Rydstrom began her studies in Vietnam in 1994. Rydstrom is from Honolulu, Hawaii and was interested in studying the way in which children are raised in rural Vietnam. Most of her studies took place in Northern Vietnam where she shadowed five different families. Rydstrom concentrated her studies on the children in these families, which included nine girls and four boys, and how they are taught to be “moral” beings. The families that she studied were composed of several generations because Rydstrom was interested in how the children learn about and from a hierarchy. In this paper, I am going to focus on the differentiated treatment between boys and girls in Vietnam.

Growing up to be a person with good morality in Vietnam is very important. “First Morality, Then Knowledge” is written on the side of the Primary School building in Northern Vietnam (P. 123 Rydstrom). In Vietnam, raising a morally acceptable individual is vital for the family and their reputation. Doing this is much more complicated than it may seem. The morals that are instilled in boys are completely different than the morals that are instilled in girls. Not only do parents instill these morals differently between the genders but the education children receive also introduces these different morals. During the Confucian period women were looked down upon and looked at as less important than men. Communists made an effort to change this. Women were said to be equal and should be able to divorce when they feel it necessary. In reality, not much changed in Vietnam. Women are still treated and looked at in much of the same way.

In Vietnam, morality is the way in which one behaves. As mentioned earlier, morality has a different meaning for boys than it does for girls. In Vietnam there is a concept known as tinh cam. “Tinh cam is about adjusting and accommodating oneself to others and, in doing so, fostering relationships that are smooth and without friction” (P. 52 Rydstrom). Tinh cam is known as behaving peacefully and just as many concepts taught in Vietnam, are different between boys and girls. Achieving tinh cam as a boy is not the same as it is for a girl.

In Vietnam, ancestral worship is still at the forefront of most homes in Vietnam. Boys are thought to contain their father’s lineage from the time that they are born. This lineage includes only the paternal side of the families. He carries his family’s reputation and morality within his body. His body is that which carries the continuation of future generations so even more emphasis is put on the importance of boys as opposed to girls. On the other hand, girls are thought to be born with what is commonly known as a “blank slate”. Girls do not embody the honor and morality of their father’s lineage therefore girls need to be taught morality and honor to become part of their lineage.

In Vietnam, many things factor into the difference in treatment and raising techniques between boys and girls. Boys usually stay with the family that they are born into, while girls move in with their husband’s family. Because of these factors families in Vietnam want to have baby boys. If couples in Vietnam do not have a boy they will often continue to have children until they have a boy. Families who have more than two children are usually composed of all girls and one boy. Many husbands leave their wives if they are unable to have children or if they never give birth to a boy. Women feel unworthy if they do not have a boy. In fact, women are defined as moral by their ability to bear a child. In other words, a morally acceptable woman is defined by what she produces, not who she is. Actually she is moral as long as she produces a boy.

Boys and girls are treated very differently by their parents and grandparents. Boys are louder, more mischievous, and question authority much more than girls do. Boys play more and misbehave more often. Boys look up to their father and grandfather for guidance while girls look up to their mother and grandmother. Girls are quieter and more reserved than boys are. They help out more around the house. Boys are disciplined less than girls are. It is seen as cute or acceptable when boys are mischievous because that is how they are “supposed” to be. If girls misbehave they are seen as morally unacceptable and their families are thought to have failed in raising them. In fact, because girls are seen as “blank slates” when they are born, it is thought that they need more teaching and training to become moral.

“Education is officially considered the most critical means by which Vietnamese society can progress and move beyond what are defined as backward and feudal Confucian values that privilege sons” (P. 118 Rydstrom). The Education System has made leaps and bounds the attempt to equalize the treatment of boys and girls but it is not perfect. Morality is still the most important thing to teach the children but they are taught in different ways. The textbooks that the children learn from depict girls as quiet and reserved. In the majority of the textbooks, girl’s faces are not shown. They are shown from the back or they are bending down. In class the children do exercises where girls are part of a family and boys are workers or some kind. The girls are corrected if they are not polite enough or if they hold the baby doll wrong. Girls are rarely praised for their good behavior while boys are continuously praised.

This book did a good job of illustrating interactions amongst family members in Vietnam, in particular interactions between the genders. It went into detail about why some of these specific gender roles came about but I will go into more explanations in the next part of my paper.